COVID Diary 4: Day 36

A glass shatters in the slanting late afternoon sun,I reach impatiently, hungrily, slicing the tips of my fingers,in my desperation to hold ontothe fading light. Tightly bound by the heaviness of my emotions,I struggle within my cocoon of obscurity,groping for emergence,between the shards of glistening meaning,before their imminent disappearance into dusk.

An Open Letter to My Depressed Self:

As part of cognitive behavioral therapy you are often sent to fill out tables, first to identify your irrational, exaggeratedly negative thoughts, and then to respond with rational, more accurate ones.  Because I often feel attacked by my negative thinking about myself, it can feel daunting to respond to each ridiculous thought as it arises.... Continue Reading →

Still Standing

After the ashes have settled, around the burning crosses, and the billows of gray fog have lifted, I will be there. Perhaps a bit torn, tear-stained tattered, rip-frayed shabby, bruised, but standing. You will find me in the open, where you will be able to see me clearly, in my state of fractured wholeness. You might... Continue Reading →

Wildflower

I want to be a wildflower, growing in the shadows, of jagged mountains. Fragile, fleeting-beauty, simplicity in being, rebellious in the face monstrosity. It is a difficult deed, to open one’s petals, before ominous giants. Tiny and frail, the memory of calamity, ripe within its roots, submerged in rocky soil. It's a gradual awakening, eternal... Continue Reading →

Abuse: My Story

I don’t understand why victims of domestic violence blame themselves, but we do.  Even now a year after leaving, I don’t have feelings of anger or hate for my ex.  The hardest emotion to deal with these days is my own shame over having stayed for 12 years, for having enabled him to manipulate me,... Continue Reading →

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